


A Letter to Your Future

by inkjoy



Series: The Note [1]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: AU of Season 1 finale, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Juno Steel Needs a Hug, Other, Peter Nureyev Needs a Hug, Sad Peter Nureyev
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-07 22:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21225572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkjoy/pseuds/inkjoy
Summary: AU where Juno still left Peter that night but this time, he left a note.





	A Letter to Your Future

**Author's Note:**

> Help I have no free time but I keep writing Penumbra pics, and this is gonna be a series so shit.

It could have been the start of something really great. Two people travelling the stars, hand in hand, without the burdens of a city resting on Juno’s weary shoulders. But things didn’t work out like that, not for him, anyway.

So, after an age of tracing the length of Nureyev’s cheekbones with his eyes, of counting his eyelashes and admiring the tiny crinkles at the corners of his eyes, he knew it couldn’t last.

Juno got up from the bed, he got dressed, he even got one hand on the doorknob when he chanced a glance back. He didn’t deserve the life that Nureyev was offering. And he couldn’t leave Hyperion City, not yet.

But a gap in the curtain left shards of moonlight cutting across the room and onto Nureyev’s peaceful face, deep in sleep. He looked damn-near angelic, his hair a halo around his head and –

Juno hesitated.

He might not be able to go with Nureyev, and he wasn’t brave enough to have this conversation face to face and witness the familiar expression that came with disappointing someone he cared about when he went back on his promises. Still, to leave him there, expecting to wake up with a warm body beside him and an adventure in front of him, only to be faced with cold sheets and cold silence seemed cruel.

He scrounged around on the table that lay near the door for a pen and paper. He pressed the pen into the paper and swallowed; there were so many things he wanted to say yet so little time. With every second he lingered, there was a chance Nureyev would wake up and catch him leaving; worse, with every passing moment the heavier his heart felt when he looked at the enticing space left by his own body in the bed. Nureyev’s hand had reached out in the intermit and lay across the space he’d left, almost like he was searching for something. For Juno.

Steeling himself he turned back to the paper and wrote. Afterwards, he picked it up and gingerly left it on the bedside table closest to Nureyev. With one hand he extended his hand to brush the hair that had falling onto Nureyev’s face; barely an inch away he stopped and withdrew his hand and turned away. Not risking another glance back, Juno stepped out the door and back into the hard slog of being a Private Eye in Hyperion City.

\--

Nureyev woke to the sun streaming through the curtains and an empty bed. Both were surprising. For one, it had been a while since he had slept through the night so comfortably, he’d been expecting to wake up gasping from a night terror after all that had happened recently. It was almost ironic he had felt safe and comforted enough to sleep so well, because if he hadn’t, then he might have been able to stop Juno before he disappeared out the door in the middle of the night like Nureyev was a cheap hook-up that he already regretted.

Maybe he was.

It was his own fault, though. Nureyev was man enough to admit that. He had come on too strong and too fast. They’d never even been on a date unless you counted the train heist and subsequent imprisonment and the imminent death they had both thought would follow. Not the best environment to really get to know each other. Unless you counted how Juno had been forced to root around his head looking at who knows what. It certainly didn’t warrant invitations for Juno to leave the only home he had ever known to travel with someone who was basically a stranger to him.

Which left him to his second instance of pushing too far – confessing his love. Clearly, that hadn’t been the smartest option. Not with something who was as much of a self-depreciating flight-risk that Juno was, bless him. It was an imprudent confession – the careless words of a lovesick fool, brought on by the feeling of safety and warmth and trust that he hadn’t felt… well, ever, he supposed. And it seemed like he must have been the only one feeling that way, judging by his missing paramour.

The sheer nerve of Peter Nureyev, thinking he was enough to bring a lady to uproot his whole life at the snap of his fingers. Ridiculous thinking. It’s no wonder he’d woken up, cold and alone just as he had been for most of his life. Just as he would likely always be.

How strange it was to be on the side of left, rather than the leaving for once.

All of these were perfectly reasonable thoughts, Nureyev knew, and for all intents and purposes he should be able to move along with his life just as he had time and time again.

Which didn’t explain the tears soaking into his pillow as sobs hitched in his throat when he tried and failed to choke them down. Stupid, foolish, Peter Nureyev. That man was so emotional, a hopeless romantic destined for heartbreak and heartbreak is what he had got. Head still buried in the pillow to muffle his pitiful sobs – not wanting more people to hear this humiliating lack of self-control – he grasped at the bedside table, wanting something to wipe his face with, and his hand landed on something strange that crinkled when he grabbed it. He lifted his head and blinked through watery eyes, tears blurring his vision as he tried to decipher what he’d picked up. It was a page of writing, he discerned, and after a second two words had him struggling to sit up and frantically wiping at his eyes.

_Dear Peter, _it read. It was a letter. A letter that Juno had left for him. It was proof that he hadn’t walked out the door without a thought and nary a care. Maybe this letter would only hurt him further, it would just confirm all of his fears and leave him feeling infinitely worse than he already was. But maybe, maybe it wouldn’t.

_Dear Peter,_

_I wish I could have stayed. _

_That probably seems like a dumb thing to say, right? Like if I wanted to stay, all I had to do was not leave. Even right now, I could scrunch up this note and slide back into bed and you’d never know the difference. But I can’t. _

_I need to stay in Hyperion City. I know it’s filled with crime, and corrupt cops, and pretty much everyone is out to get you, but it’s hurting, and it needs me. Or maybe I need it. I still haven’t quite worked that one out._

_When I made you that promise, I wasn’t thinking straight. I’d thought I was going to die, and you know what? I wasn’t even that mad about it. And when it turned out I would live to see another day after all, it felt like I could do anything and be anyone, that I could shake off all the bad parts of me and hold onto the good ones with you._

_But it’s not that easy._

_I haven’t said this yet but Nureyev, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, or if you even bothered to read this letter. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. I just need you to know that it wasn’t you, I know it’s such a stupid cliché but it’s true. You, all of you – Rex Glass, Duke Rose, Peter Nureyev – are really something else. I’ve never met alone with as much sass, wit, charm and frankly stupid amounts of things in their pockets as you before, and I doubt I ever will again. You are something special Nureyev, I hope you know that._

_I know this doesn’t make up for me leaving, but I hope it helps a little to know you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me who’s too messed up to think he deserves someone like you. You told me that I could go with you, or I’d never see or speak or hear from you again. I know it’s not fair of me, but I hope you were lying. _

_Signed Your Lesser Half, _

_Juno Steel_

_P.S. That other thing you said. After we, well, you know. I’m not sure whether I believe that or not, I’ve pretty much given up believing in love. I want to believe, though. And everything feels messed up right now… that could just be my lack of depth-perception now come to think of it, but seriously… Nureyev I_

_I care for you. A lot. A hell of a lot. Is that love? I don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t stick around long enough to find out._

When he finished the letter, Peter was crying again. Wet blots on the page caused the ink to run in places, and his tight fist crumpled the paper even further. As the sun crept higher into the sky, Peter sat there with only a sheet around his shoulder to protect his modesty and he wept for a long time. It was different though, the fog of despair that had crowded into his mind had dispersed just a little. Juno was right, neither of them were in healthy states of mind to be making life-altering decisions. It still hurt deeply that he hadn’t stuck around to say all of that in person, and the loneliness hadn’t abated, but there was another feeling now.

A rarer feeling, one he wasn’t very accustomed too. Hope.

Nureyev smoothed out the paper and stared at the rough scrawl across the page.

“Juno Steel,” he said, “I haven’t given up on you yet.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you enjoyed it. No idea when the next part will be out with uni exams and nano coming up, but I'll try.


End file.
